So what is it like to grow up in a broken family?
Personally, I was made to grow up much earlier than expected. Having to shuffle between school and family court, and it didn't help very much that majority of my classmates have no idea what I was going through, and concluded that I was being an attention seeker. And the result of that? I was boycotted.
Heartwarming environment for a 13 year old, isn't it?
How about having to face an imposing authoritative figure, asking you to choose between your mother and father? So many things were said to me, with regards to whom I should choose to go with.
It was then that the ugly truth opened up itself to me. Loving family and happy ending doesn't exist. Not in my world.
Of course I blamed myself for all that happened. Did I do or say something wrong? Was it because I misbehaved? Was it because I was bad?
All those self-blaming thoughts and questions whirling in my mind. Even now, I sometimes believe that I don't deserve happiness.
People tell you it's not your fault this happened. But just how much will a child believe?
8 years.
8 years of having to play the role of mother and father to my emotional self. 8 years of trying to let go of all the hurt I've accumulated. 8 years of trying to forgive my parents for all the hurt. 8 years of being angry with my situation.
8 long years.
I still cry when I mention this issue, just like how I have been, since the start of this entry. 2 packets of tissues have been used.
So what is it like to grow up in a broken family?
I no longer believe in marriage, and I fear marriage. I have no confidence in starting my own family, because the possibility of such impending outcome, makes me fear having to let my child go through what I went through.
If a marriage is going to end up in a divorce, I would rather not have any children at all. No way am I going to let someone else go through all the pain and anger.
So what is it like to grow up in a broken family?
A wholesome exterior, but all broken up inside.
Personally, I was made to grow up much earlier than expected. Having to shuffle between school and family court, and it didn't help very much that majority of my classmates have no idea what I was going through, and concluded that I was being an attention seeker. And the result of that? I was boycotted.
Heartwarming environment for a 13 year old, isn't it?
How about having to face an imposing authoritative figure, asking you to choose between your mother and father? So many things were said to me, with regards to whom I should choose to go with.
It was then that the ugly truth opened up itself to me. Loving family and happy ending doesn't exist. Not in my world.
Of course I blamed myself for all that happened. Did I do or say something wrong? Was it because I misbehaved? Was it because I was bad?
All those self-blaming thoughts and questions whirling in my mind. Even now, I sometimes believe that I don't deserve happiness.
People tell you it's not your fault this happened. But just how much will a child believe?
8 years.
8 years of having to play the role of mother and father to my emotional self. 8 years of trying to let go of all the hurt I've accumulated. 8 years of trying to forgive my parents for all the hurt. 8 years of being angry with my situation.
8 long years.
I still cry when I mention this issue, just like how I have been, since the start of this entry. 2 packets of tissues have been used.
So what is it like to grow up in a broken family?
I no longer believe in marriage, and I fear marriage. I have no confidence in starting my own family, because the possibility of such impending outcome, makes me fear having to let my child go through what I went through.
If a marriage is going to end up in a divorce, I would rather not have any children at all. No way am I going to let someone else go through all the pain and anger.
So what is it like to grow up in a broken family?
A wholesome exterior, but all broken up inside.
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