Thursday, April 03, 2008

Hush, baby, hush.

Just received the call.

Might be heading to Los Angeles in May.

Feeling a couple of emotions right now. Excited, nervous, overwhelmed, confused and scared. If I take this on, it might just be the end of my Adelaide journey. Yet the opportunity of putting myself in a whole new situation, environment, and brand new challenge, entices me much. I love pushing myself beyond what I've achieved, and this will be yet another milestone.

A part of me says to stay grounded, while the other part of me says to go for it.

Confusion, confusion, and more confusion.


Taking this on will be putting the grown up part of me into the real world. My mentality and ability will be challenged, and I will only grow further. But having grown beyond that of a 21 years old, I seriously don't want to age any further. I'm getting too mature for my own good, that it has gotten to a point in my personal life whereby I can only relate best with men in their 30s.

Whatever happens to having silly crushes and butterflies in the stomach? Whatever happens to living for the moment of all the sweetness and head-over-heels senseless romance? When did settling down, being taken care of, and plans of marriage arrive into my life?

I don't want to grow up! Not yet! Not any further!

I'm only 21!

Does anyone remember that?

Do I even remember that?


Ever since leaving Australia, I've been hoping for a chance to leave again. To get away from the family and all its drama.

Especially now.


I just want to drown out the fact that my mum thinks monetary compensation is enough for her absence in my life for the past 8 years.



Love, care, concern, respect, and kinship, cannot be measured financially.

When will you realise that and stop being so self absorbed?

The harshest words were said, because they were right.

I've never been more disappointed with you.

Never.



Should I leave because I want to run away? Or should I stay to go through the struggle and torment?

I don't know.

I wish I was deaf.

The world is too noisy.



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