Couple of days back, I was having lunch when I was roused to the commotion from across the table. A mother was reprimanding her child as he spilled a drink. Looking at the on the verge of tears expression of her child, the mother said “Don’t cry or I’ll smack you.”
It hurts to witness such parenting. No doubt, I'm in no position to lay self righteous comments, as I’m not a mother myself, nor am I an expert in early childhood nurturing. But seeing the look on the little boy and the way he tried so darn hard to control himself, when his mother threatened to smack him should he cry, I felt an urge to go up to her and ask that she back off.
The child is probably feeling guilty and afraid that he’s spilled a drink, and he doesn’t need the adult to reaffirm his action, making him feel like a sinner. Instead of checking if he’s got himself wet, she was instead reprimanding him on how he’s always spilling the drinks and that she’ll never get him any drink again. At the same time, taking away the remaining drinks from him.
A child is impressionable and the actions and mannerisms of the adults will be the mould in which he’ll grow up into. By teaching him criticism, he’ll likely grow up to be judgmental and cynic of others and himself. By teaching him violence, he’ll likely grow up to be a victim or bully to others and himself.
In Asian culture, we’re not taught or brought up to be affectionate with each other and often times, parents view a strict upbringing as the best method to a child who will do no major wrong.
My mum was a strict disciplinarian when we’re growing up, that even till this day, my brother and I will somehow prepare ourselves for some reprimands should we sense the usual pattern in events. Though my mum has mellowed immensely from years ago, the automatic defense in us is still very much alive, as we prep ourselves for a scolding or scene of chaos, only to be met with silence.
I do not want to lose my temper with my child over the most meaningless matter such as drink spillage, and I hope with all my heart that I'll always remember that a child doesn’t understand a lot of things, and that the journey to discovery and characterisation is one with which we as the adults are very much involved in, and are role models whom the child looks up to.
Bless me with the ability to shower my child with lots of love, care and tenderness, as how I’m learning to love everyone else at the moment.
It hurts to witness such parenting. No doubt, I'm in no position to lay self righteous comments, as I’m not a mother myself, nor am I an expert in early childhood nurturing. But seeing the look on the little boy and the way he tried so darn hard to control himself, when his mother threatened to smack him should he cry, I felt an urge to go up to her and ask that she back off.
The child is probably feeling guilty and afraid that he’s spilled a drink, and he doesn’t need the adult to reaffirm his action, making him feel like a sinner. Instead of checking if he’s got himself wet, she was instead reprimanding him on how he’s always spilling the drinks and that she’ll never get him any drink again. At the same time, taking away the remaining drinks from him.
A child is impressionable and the actions and mannerisms of the adults will be the mould in which he’ll grow up into. By teaching him criticism, he’ll likely grow up to be judgmental and cynic of others and himself. By teaching him violence, he’ll likely grow up to be a victim or bully to others and himself.
In Asian culture, we’re not taught or brought up to be affectionate with each other and often times, parents view a strict upbringing as the best method to a child who will do no major wrong.
My mum was a strict disciplinarian when we’re growing up, that even till this day, my brother and I will somehow prepare ourselves for some reprimands should we sense the usual pattern in events. Though my mum has mellowed immensely from years ago, the automatic defense in us is still very much alive, as we prep ourselves for a scolding or scene of chaos, only to be met with silence.
I do not want to lose my temper with my child over the most meaningless matter such as drink spillage, and I hope with all my heart that I'll always remember that a child doesn’t understand a lot of things, and that the journey to discovery and characterisation is one with which we as the adults are very much involved in, and are role models whom the child looks up to.
Bless me with the ability to shower my child with lots of love, care and tenderness, as how I’m learning to love everyone else at the moment.
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