Shadow

The rocking of the body which stems from intense conflict; the part which wants to hurt and the part which doesn't. The rocking motion is somewhat comforting, almost like the gentle rocking of the younger days, except with increased intensity.

The bottle of cleaning agent, the rusty screwdriver, the huge mirror. All within reach. The intense desire to consume, to stab, to smash. The intense struggle to say no.

To hurt oneself takes immense courage and split seconds, while being rational and sane takes immense self control and conviction.


"Don't let people get into you."


Are you able to get past people's judgements, even those of the ones closest to you?

Does their opinions of you hold any value, even if it hurts?

And when it is those closest to you, and supposedly dearest to you, who hurt you, should you walk away, or stay on account of duty?

The grey area within morality and responsibilities often clouds the mind.

Do you walk away or do you stay?

Do you let the hurting continues, or do you choose to heal?

And just what's the value of family anyway?


"When the time comes for you to have your own family, you can choose to make it simple."

Bursting into tears again, leaving him puzzled.

I'm not confident that I'll make that happen. Once bitten, twice shy. What will my own family be like when it happens? There's just too much hurting.


Are you confident?

Will everything turn out all right?

Only time will tell.

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, let's learn to pick up enough courage to walk away, and let the healing begin.