The Best Friend

Never expected to receive an email from you, thus the initial thought of it being a lame chain mail. It's been so long. A year? Slightly more.

The several attempts at trying to meet up with you after coming home, only to be rejected. Until one day you told a lie to a common friend. That marks the end of whatever we had. I thought you didn't want me any more. It hurts to lose someone so close. It was tough.

This little surprise which came a little too late, as you call it. Is it? I'm still here. I haven't left. I'm always here.

The heart felt a dull tug and the muffled emotions arise. They dug at the mist which was laid to ensure closure. There's a dull scream inside. Something trying hard to break its way out. I think I can't breathe. It's difficult. It's hurting. I think the tears are welling up, but something is holding them back. That incessant dull tug. I want to hurt myself. This isn't real. You didn't come back. Not after so long.

How ever could you let me go and come back now? What am I to you? What ever was that that we ever had? Was it so transient as for you to give them up? I always thought you didn't want me any more. And now you're telling me you thought about me always? What is this? It fucking hurts. I don't want to breathe.

How could you lie and leave me hanging, coming back when the wound is healed? Perhaps it never did heal. That fucking gap in the flesh. That torrent of blood seeping out every day. The emotions and the hurt. Everything we ever had.

I feel so sick I'm going to puke. How could you? The tears won't flow and the dull hurting won't go away. How am I supposed to deal with this? I don't want to breathe!

What's with people walking out of my life? If you want to walk out and take away a part of me with you, then don't ever fucking come back. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

The tears are finally flowing. Are you happy?

Will we ever go back to what we once were?

I don't want to know. I don't want you back. It hurts too much. That dull tug inside.

Stabbing myself might even hurt less.

But I can't bring myself to hate you. You once were.

For everything you once were...

I thought you didn't want me any more.

Now how do I change that?