Let Go and Move On

If you've reached for her but never got her, you've never had her in the first place, and she doesn't owe you anything.

If you have her but she wants to leave, holding on to her will only tear away what's left between you.

If you've never had her or she's left you, it was never meant to be. She's move on and so should you.

If you are lucky enough to come back to it, perhaps.

Until then, let go my friend, and move on.


All credit goes to Marcus Ooi (Mooiness).

Marriage

I believe that I do not need marriage to prove my love, ability and sincerity to carry through my decision to commit to someone.

Marriage is a legal ceremony to protect the parties involved, but unless a child comes into the picture, marriage is not necessarily the path I'll walk down. But it doesn't mean that I will not get married. I just don't find it necessary.

If I need an insurance to back my decision to spend the rest of my life with someone, then perhaps I'm better off not doing so. If I need an incentive to honour my words, then perhaps I'm better off not saying them.


It's a commitment. It's a decision saying "Yes, I'll walk through thick and thin, ups and downs, for better or worst, with you." It's the sharing of a common goal between two individuals, learning and accepting their differences, and sincerely wanting to make it through together. It's a balance of giving and taking. It's the complements of strengths and weaknesses. It is something which goes beyond the emotions.

When the honeymoon period is over, when the feeling of love is gone, when the daily routines get dull, when the sex is no longer sizzling, when the beautiful becomes the ugly, when what attracts becomes repulsive, will you still hold on to your partner's hand? Or will you pack up and leave, since society has made parting a relatively breezy proceeding?


Going beyond the fluttering of the heart, the hyperventilation, the butterflies in the stomach, and the nervous speechlessness, what do you make of the moments when your partner has to leave in the midst of a dinner date due to urgent crop ups? How about when your partner forgets the anniversaries? Or when your partner ceases to notice the change in hairstyle or that new dress?

Will you take on the problems with your partner, determined for resolve, or will you turn to someone else who understands you better? How about when you no longer feel the excitement of the chase? Will you make the effort to invent new ways to spice things up, or will you just indulge in a new chase from someone else?


As I always say, "It's the perspective."

And right now at this moment, this is my perspective. Will it change as I grow older? Perhaps. But as usual, "It's the perspective." Why wonder about what's to come when it's the present we should cherish and focus on. Life is too short to wonder about the "what ifs" and "if only".

The once sacred marriage is now reduced to a flimsy ceremony with a fluid nature. So do I really need it to make a commitment?

I don't need it, I just want it. And do I really need what I want?

Not necessarily.

Double Identity

Starting next month, I'll be a Research Analyst by weekdays, and Guest Relations Officer by weekends.

Goodbye social life!

Cycle of Life

Gunther von Hagens's latest exhibition in Berlin, Cycle of Life, has sparked several controversies due to the elements of copulation and reproduction present. People remarked that it's disrespectful for the bodies, but I find that there is nothing wrong or disrespectful with that. Death and sex shouldn't be controversial taboos in this age of time. They are a part of life, and part of creation. And in the name of Science and Education, I really don't see why there should be so much talks about it.

If I can, I will definitely go for the exhibition!

Served.

All the technical jargons for the new job is driving me insane. I'm definitely a tech-idiot!

Somebody help me!

>[

Beyond the fantasy.

That reality I let slip, carelessly tossed to the wind without caution.

That delirious freedom, with its coppery after-taste on the tip of the tongue.

That emotional bath, which cleanses and heals the soul within.

That accidental embrace, unleashing a dormant desire within.

Of all the slipping and sliding, of all those who stood by watching.

Of all those who held out in vain, of all those who jumped right in.

Of all those who loved so fiercely, of all those who's hurting so deeply.

Of all those who lost their minds, of all those who gained clarity.

That delicious slip, a slash of the soul.

That devils' trade, the exchange of souls.

That forbidden fruit, of exotic taste.

That evil eye, it bores right through you.

Let go, my child.

Let the freedom embrace.

Seek no truth from it.

Tell no lies to it.

Listen.

Watch.

Touch.

Inhale.

Awaken those senses, ever so still.

Prick the index, let the crimson flow.

Core of life, clown of heart.

Purple diamond, emerald crystal.

One day she's here, the next she's gone.

Those bright eyes so deep, the window of souls.

Those rubies so tender, leaves strawberry kisses.

Those traces so gentle, of downs and feathers.

Devil or angel?

No one knows for sure.

Fresh & French!

Had brunch with Sharon at Fre(n)sh, located at Vivo. Selected the alfresco section, enjoying the fabulous breeze and calming sound of water. A great way to spend a lazy afternoon!

=D

Love the quaint table. Really colourful and quirky, just the way I like it.

=)

The first time ever that I tasted a mushroom soup in its most authentic flavour. Forget the Campbell version. It's the real stuff here, with mushroom bits in it! Totally in love with it!

First time having escargot, and my comment was... "It tastes like mud."

Of which, Sharon gave me a "can't-be-bothered" look.

=P

Next up comes the foie gras tartine. My first taste of it as well.  

"It taste like duck."

Of which she said "And where does foie gras comes from?"

Cues "can't-be-bothered" look.

=P

Then comes the highlight of the meal! I absolutely love fresh salad, and this one has a cheese which is slightly strong in flavour, with a really nice texture to it. Subsequently found out that it's emmental cheese! My new love!

Fresh lettuce, cherry tomatoes, field mushrooms, ham cubes, emmental cheese, and a light dressing. Give it to me everyday!

*drools*

Last but not least, a great creme brulee to finish the palate. Something sweet and smooth against the tongue.

Lovely brunch it was!

Will love to head back some time again.

The Best Friend

Never expected to receive an email from you, thus the initial thought of it being a lame chain mail. It's been so long. A year? Slightly more.

The several attempts at trying to meet up with you after coming home, only to be rejected. Until one day you told a lie to a common friend. That marks the end of whatever we had. I thought you didn't want me any more. It hurts to lose someone so close. It was tough.

This little surprise which came a little too late, as you call it. Is it? I'm still here. I haven't left. I'm always here.

The heart felt a dull tug and the muffled emotions arise. They dug at the mist which was laid to ensure closure. There's a dull scream inside. Something trying hard to break its way out. I think I can't breathe. It's difficult. It's hurting. I think the tears are welling up, but something is holding them back. That incessant dull tug. I want to hurt myself. This isn't real. You didn't come back. Not after so long.

How ever could you let me go and come back now? What am I to you? What ever was that that we ever had? Was it so transient as for you to give them up? I always thought you didn't want me any more. And now you're telling me you thought about me always? What is this? It fucking hurts. I don't want to breathe.

How could you lie and leave me hanging, coming back when the wound is healed? Perhaps it never did heal. That fucking gap in the flesh. That torrent of blood seeping out every day. The emotions and the hurt. Everything we ever had.

I feel so sick I'm going to puke. How could you? The tears won't flow and the dull hurting won't go away. How am I supposed to deal with this? I don't want to breathe!

What's with people walking out of my life? If you want to walk out and take away a part of me with you, then don't ever fucking come back. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

The tears are finally flowing. Are you happy?

Will we ever go back to what we once were?

I don't want to know. I don't want you back. It hurts too much. That dull tug inside.

Stabbing myself might even hurt less.

But I can't bring myself to hate you. You once were.

For everything you once were...

I thought you didn't want me any more.

Now how do I change that?

Open Letter

Dear friend,

I'm not as brave as you think I am. Mostly, I just pretend to be, barging head on, dealing with the consequences only when they come. Other than that, I'm just plain crazy and open to the idea of trying everything and anything, as much as I can. Call that brave? I don't think so. It's just trying to live life like never before. And hey, asking yourself "What will you choose if you know you're going to die in a month" works pretty well thus far for me. Give it a try?

One thing we're born to do is to learn. It never ends. Thus far, we've learnt to sit up, stand, walk, jump, run, swim, cycle, talk, sing, scream, draw, feed ourselves, dress ourselves, and many many more. We go on to learn how to skate, snorkel, canoe, drive, shoot and many many more. Learning to be independent and being self-sufficient will come in one day, only if you let them. It has nothing to do with whether or not you're brave. It has to do with whether you're willing to accept them into your life. Give them a try?

Seek, and you shall find.
Ask, and you shall receive.

Give them a try my dear friend.

After all, we fell countless of times while trying to walk. So what's the difference with a few more now? Do we give up taking a chance just because we're more conscious of the fall now? Will you live with that? If your answer is yes, then perhaps a three-year old is better off than you, and yes, braver than you too.

Sometimes it's about letting go and taking chances. Sometimes it's about pretending to be brave. Sometimes it's about being thoughtless and careless, throwing oneself into the fire and living it out. Sometimes it's about being curious and spontaneous. Sometimes it's about playing safe. Sometimes it's about practicality. Sometimes it's about everything. Sometimes it's about nothing. Sometimes it just is.

It's not about being brave, because I'm definitely not brave. It's just that crazy and pretence work for me.

You'll find something which works for you. You will.

Otherwise, I'll share my crazy and pretence with you. I promise.

You can do it my dear friend. You're more than you give yourself credit for.

I love you.

=)

Xoxo,
Elise

First.

Never thought she'll encounter someone whom she can view more as a life partner than romantic relation. Someone whom she can envision working together with, hand in hand, to solve whatever problems and issues there might be. Someone whom she's willing to work out the differences with. Someone whom she didn't dismiss immediately and eventually, using the excuse of "You're just not what I'm looking for."

Never thought there will be a day when there's a person whom she can see a future with, building up something together. Someone who makes her feel settled and unafraid to give up flight. Someone who gives her enough courage to face the fear of giving a part of her. A commitment. A promise.

Someone she wants to have a life with.

Never thought that day will come. Never thought it'll happen with her. Well, there's a lot she never know is coming.

Just as dawn arises and dusk sets, life is a mere cycle. Repetitive? That is if you choose for it to be so. There's many routes and choices out there. You just have to take a leap of faith and embrace whatever hurting that might come with it. No pain, no gain. Very true.

Let go of control. Go with the flow. Crash and burn. Pick yourself up. Become a better individual. Life goes on despite all that.

Never though it'll ever be, but there's always a first.

This is a first. Her first.

Sad Sad Valentine

Received a basket of flowers early in the morning. Something that doesn't delight me very much. I hate receiving flowers. The only thing that comes to mind upon receiving flowers, is the fate of its imminent death.

Sigh.

Had dinner with Dex at Cosmo. A place I've grown to like, with clean white alfresco setting, and an awesome spot for people watching when the weather is great.

I love Mimosa!

Headed over to Double O after, where the night turned into a teary one. Missing Momo and feeling the hurt of the lost, ended up crying along the riverside with Benjamin being my pillar of support. Thank you Old Man Chan.

Not too far from us, a girl was crying her heart out as well. I can relate to her tears. Only a broken heart can cause tears to flow on a night as sweet as Valentine's. Thankfully for wonderful blessing in the form of friends, both the girl and I were not alone.

Went to the nearest convenient store to grab a packet of tissue, then headed back to the spot to give it to the girl. I hope she's feeling much better today. Nobody should shed tears of sorrow on Valentine's.

Nobody.

The heart will heal some day. And till then, let's walk on with our head held high.

=)

Deviation

Nature. I need the splendid touch of it. The garden and the lake. The luxury of lying on the grass with abandon. I miss Mill Point.

Life moves on. What's past is dust, what's to come is vague. Lies upon lies build a massive and impressive empire, but just as easily built, just as easily destroyed. Is there really any worth in holding such fort?

People come and go. They might be in for a season or a lifetime. For those who are just transitory passerby, be glad that our paths crossed. For those who are in it for the long haul, appreciation cannot be fleet. Use your heart always, when it comes to people. Human relationship should never be about profit or loss. Never the corporate structure.

Many forms of poison to numb the mind. Choose none of them. Learn to fight, for it makes you stronger. Evolution is vital. Survival of the fittest. Darwin.

Homo sapiens, I am one.

Elise, I shall become.

Back to basic my dear.

Back to basic.

Ravaged

From too much alcohol and late nights.

Time to detox.

Disgrace to Manhood

I was minding my business and making my way to the restroom when this guy grabbed my arm.


"What's your name?"

"Emma."

"Can I be your friend?"

"What for? And who are you anyway?"

"I'm with a bunch of friends over there. I've spotted you for a while."

"I don't want to be friends, and I need the restroom."

"Give me your number."


All the while, not letting go of my arm until my girls came rushing towards us, breaking the contact. Bless me.

After we returned to the table, he came over and demanded why was I so rude to him and wanted to continue whatever conversation he think is still left hanging. My girls cornered him and dealt with him. I couldn't be bothered.

In a nutshell, that faggot of a man demanded that we take things out as my girls knocked into him while rushing over to me outside the restroom. He insisted that he didn't approach me, and instead, I was the one who seduced him. In his very own words, he called us sluts.

Never have I been so angry with a man, and never have I tried so hard to control my urge to pick up the glass and shove it at him. I was clenching my teeth, with my hands balled into fists. What nerve he has to speak trash about us.

He wanted to apologise, trying to use the lame excuse of being drunk.


"Don't you fucking talk trash about me and then apologise, citing that you're drunk."

"When did I talk trash about you?"


The girls pulled him away. One of the guys wanted to get physical.

If he isn't the poster child of disgrace to manhood, then I don't know what is. Don't turn the table around when a woman rejects you, calling her a slut. You're a motherfucking piece of trash and the biggest faggot of a man. You should just castrate yourself. Asshole.

I'm so angry my eyeballs are hurting.

It is because of man like this which makes me hate men. It's either wimps or ass-wipes. Fucking ridiculous.

This past week has been filled with dramas, and I've been losing sleep.

Idiots.

Coffee Club

Chilling time with CS at Coffee Club at Clark Quay. Easy night out with great company and fabulous food. Everything is great when you have your best friend!

Recently I've been going crazy over Iced English Breakfast Tea, and nothing goes better with it than a little biscuit!

And I love spicy pasta! PASTA!!!

*slurp*

And my model of the night!

Presenting... Coffee Club's Beef Lasagne!

Best Friends Forever!

And of course, myself.

=)