Kent Ridge Wing 2 - Neuroscience Clinic

The psychiatrist with a beard, that makes him looks like a terrorist. Kind of intriguing, in fact. Those simple questions asked, which crumpled the defenses built. Fortunately the defenses have a strong foundation, so I held up pretty well. Could have been worse, but thankfully I've been through it before, which makes things easier, just by a little each time.

And because he was there. I'm not going to let him witness my breakdown.

"Did you have suicidal thoughts recently?"

I lied. I did. Briefly.

It was a lot of things, but mostly haunting past. That ache in your heart that takes away all, but the most minimal of your breath. Makes you want to stop breathing all together.

It is so much easier when there are only you. But now it's not. It is so much more complicated. Makes it a good and bad thing. Good that it's keeping me alive. Bad that it's stopping me from decisions I want to make.

I can't find it in myself to be selfish. It will hurt many people. Much more than I think or know.


Too much honesty leads to too much judgment. Something I don't need right now. Especially not from him. So indeed, there is a limit to my honesty. 

"Don't pack up and go." 

I really wish I can. Perhaps my life will be endless episodes of pack-and-go. Fight-or-flight will be constantly activated. I don't know. I really don't.


Need to keep myself busy from now on. Too much free time is bad for my mind. That freaking voice I can't get out of my head. That one that screams RUN.

I know I need to stay grounded. That is my cure.

Silence, Elise.

All is good.