In a moment of folly, I made a bad decision and caused inconveniences to Raymond, and now he's not talking to me. I attributed his anger as a petty act, only to be told the truth by Bryan. Raymond is angry because he's disappointed with me. He thought I'm not like the others, who will screw things up, but I proved otherwise.
It bothers me a lot that he's not talking to me, to the point of ignoring me. I don't like that and am extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but I know I deserve it. I wanted to apologise in person, but because he's ignoring me, I texted an apology. I know he will not reply, and I'm right.
On the other hand, my foolish actions of another sort caused Remo to question my common sense and sanity. Even though he said nothing, but the non-verbal expressions gave him away. I felt judged and cast in the stupid light. It bothers me because it's Remo. Having been put on trial by so many people, he is the last person I expect to do so.
It's awkward now that I'm starting to stop telling him about things, and his nature of chasing the truth isn't making things any easier. The fact that he's observant isn't helping either. He's constantly asking what's on my mind.
These two situations made me realise that my actions stings more, to people whom trust me without questions. I often lament about others breaking my trust for them, but have never ever cast myself in that light. Now that I'm in the character, I finally understood.
Trust has always been a complicated issue for me, as I prefer to trust without questions or judgments, until proven otherwise. But recent incidents are opening my eyes and mind to the alternate choice. Perhaps it's time to revise my belief, and to label everyone as guilty until proven innocent.
Perhaps it is time for this whole self-experimentation of going with the flow and just being myself, to stop. Being nice only get you shit most of the time. I am now able to relate to those guys who declare that nice guys finish last. Indeed, the world needs more villains. Besides, they seem to have more fun. If I can't be blonde (I don't want to, anyway), I can at least be villainous.
Perhaps it's really time to reinvent. I just hope I can still maintain my bubbly. That's my sanity in translation.
It bothers me a lot that he's not talking to me, to the point of ignoring me. I don't like that and am extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but I know I deserve it. I wanted to apologise in person, but because he's ignoring me, I texted an apology. I know he will not reply, and I'm right.
On the other hand, my foolish actions of another sort caused Remo to question my common sense and sanity. Even though he said nothing, but the non-verbal expressions gave him away. I felt judged and cast in the stupid light. It bothers me because it's Remo. Having been put on trial by so many people, he is the last person I expect to do so.
It's awkward now that I'm starting to stop telling him about things, and his nature of chasing the truth isn't making things any easier. The fact that he's observant isn't helping either. He's constantly asking what's on my mind.
These two situations made me realise that my actions stings more, to people whom trust me without questions. I often lament about others breaking my trust for them, but have never ever cast myself in that light. Now that I'm in the character, I finally understood.
Trust has always been a complicated issue for me, as I prefer to trust without questions or judgments, until proven otherwise. But recent incidents are opening my eyes and mind to the alternate choice. Perhaps it's time to revise my belief, and to label everyone as guilty until proven innocent.
Perhaps it is time for this whole self-experimentation of going with the flow and just being myself, to stop. Being nice only get you shit most of the time. I am now able to relate to those guys who declare that nice guys finish last. Indeed, the world needs more villains. Besides, they seem to have more fun. If I can't be blonde (I don't want to, anyway), I can at least be villainous.
Perhaps it's really time to reinvent. I just hope I can still maintain my bubbly. That's my sanity in translation.
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