Being the kind of man he is, he chooses to respect the boundaries she set, and I lost him.
Gone. Forever.
Gone. Forever.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Invalid
"I love you" can never be vocalised, only shown in the subtlest ways. Every little moment is cherished because it's given without obligation, being in the most natural element. You want and yearn, but can never lay claim. The greatest content is that he's happy, even if it means being with someone other than you. It hurts not to be reciprocated, but being unselfish is the best form of love you can give. You don't want to know anything about the other party, but can't help wondering who she is. Jealousy shrouds, but it calms the heart and mind to know that at least she makes him happy, and that's what really counts at the end for you.
You can't touch, can't feel, and can't tell. You can't give too much of yourself away in case the truth got out. You can't give what you'll like to give because it's not right. He belongs to someone else, that's what the society tells you. You hate that internal struggle between right and wrong. And just what is right and what is wrong?
It's tough loving an invalid. It's a flame burning passionately which you don't want to put out. The fervour keeps you going and the desire glows intensely. A raw animalistic element which makes you want to take off that coat of defence and morality to embrace and consummate the desire, throwing all caution to the wind and exposing all vulnerabilities.
The forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.
I want him but I can't have him.
An invalid in more than one way, but I love him still.
You can't touch, can't feel, and can't tell. You can't give too much of yourself away in case the truth got out. You can't give what you'll like to give because it's not right. He belongs to someone else, that's what the society tells you. You hate that internal struggle between right and wrong. And just what is right and what is wrong?
It's tough loving an invalid. It's a flame burning passionately which you don't want to put out. The fervour keeps you going and the desire glows intensely. A raw animalistic element which makes you want to take off that coat of defence and morality to embrace and consummate the desire, throwing all caution to the wind and exposing all vulnerabilities.
The forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.
I want him but I can't have him.
An invalid in more than one way, but I love him still.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sibling love.
Day out in the sun with Dex.
Awesome summer love, in the equatorial climate.
Much bliss.
=)
Red heart sibling love.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Silence
She wished for love, to immerse herself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. Her wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give her tragedy. Because she wouldn't give it back for the world.
I have her heart. A heart lost, and long afraid to feel.
Will it ever wake?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The tide that left and never came back.
Brooke: There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
Nathan: Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
Haley: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more.
Lucas: As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters, the simple things, like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
Peyton: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for.
Lucas: And Hansel said to Gretal: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.
Nathan: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey, is a fate more cruel.
Peyton: Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.
Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.
McFadden: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
Nathan: Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
Haley: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more.
Lucas: As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters, the simple things, like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
Peyton: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for.
Lucas: And Hansel said to Gretal: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.
Nathan: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey, is a fate more cruel.
Peyton: Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.
Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.
McFadden: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
How about this?
Are you reassured enough to not let your ego get the better of you?
Some things might not be meant to be, but because your ego reins so tightly over you that it's difficult to say "No it isn't meant to be, I should walk away." It's also a matter of pride that you have trouble letting go, often times clinging on so tightly that your knuckles turn white.
Do you at times have doubts over whether the present situation is really what you want? Do you doubt your decision and wonder if it's the right thing to do? Yet because you've come so far, it seems silly or even stupid to let it go. As they all say, "You've come so far. Why let all your effort go to waste?"
And do you at times want to give everything away, turning instead to the simplicity that is calling out to you? How do you deal with that conflicting tug of war? To get on with things and move on while constantly wondering about the other direction, or taking a chance and walking down the other path? How do you decide what's the best choice for you? How do you shut the others out?
Are you reassured enough to make the right choice, and not let your ego get in the way of the heart? Do you have the ability to know when is the time to let go, and to make that choice to trod the other way?
It will never be easy, isn't it? The many questions and doubts that surface every second.
Some things might not be meant to be, but because your ego reins so tightly over you that it's difficult to say "No it isn't meant to be, I should walk away." It's also a matter of pride that you have trouble letting go, often times clinging on so tightly that your knuckles turn white.
Do you at times have doubts over whether the present situation is really what you want? Do you doubt your decision and wonder if it's the right thing to do? Yet because you've come so far, it seems silly or even stupid to let it go. As they all say, "You've come so far. Why let all your effort go to waste?"
And do you at times want to give everything away, turning instead to the simplicity that is calling out to you? How do you deal with that conflicting tug of war? To get on with things and move on while constantly wondering about the other direction, or taking a chance and walking down the other path? How do you decide what's the best choice for you? How do you shut the others out?
Are you reassured enough to make the right choice, and not let your ego get in the way of the heart? Do you have the ability to know when is the time to let go, and to make that choice to trod the other way?
It will never be easy, isn't it? The many questions and doubts that surface every second.
Friday, January 02, 2009
P.S.
Remember this?
I didn't keep any of them.
Although a couple were going pretty well until the occasional urge cuts in, but the upside is, my sugar and salt intake levels are never major concerns all along.
It's pretty easy for me to eat well (since I have a crappy digestive system which when I eat with abundance, I'll be getting more than acquainted with the potty), if only I can get my butt off the couch to exercise more.
So what is in it for this year?
I reckon that trying to live life the way it ought to be live, by making the effort to savour the present while enjoying every moment, is a pretty kick ass load on its own. So screw trying to get enough sleep.
=)
I didn't keep any of them.
Although a couple were going pretty well until the occasional urge cuts in, but the upside is, my sugar and salt intake levels are never major concerns all along.
It's pretty easy for me to eat well (since I have a crappy digestive system which when I eat with abundance, I'll be getting more than acquainted with the potty), if only I can get my butt off the couch to exercise more.
So what is in it for this year?
I reckon that trying to live life the way it ought to be live, by making the effort to savour the present while enjoying every moment, is a pretty kick ass load on its own. So screw trying to get enough sleep.
=)
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Bonjour 2009.
Not a very smooth start into the New Year, but why should I let such mandatory superstition get in my way? You have to be kidding me.
I am who I think I am.
You are who you think you are.
So translate those thoughts into actions, and make 2009 a blast! Be a YES person!
Yeah yeah, blame it on the movie. Darn motivating.
*laughs*
We will all have a fabulous and fruitful year.
All of us.
So enjoy the ride people.
Je t'aime.
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