If only . .

I could say, "I wish I'm back in Perth".

But that's never going to happen, and I hate that.




I want to escape from all this crazy chase.




And I miss the maccas gang so much.

Craziness @ Mill Point

Spent a day with the girls at Mill Point as usual, on a beautiful afternoon. Such indolent lifestyle we espouse.

Such, is the life of students. Or should I say, of scenic Perth.




It was a weekday and we were rather surprised that there were a handful of like-minded souls roaming and basking under the mellow warmth of the summer sunshine.

Pinic on the grass, with champagne complementing the toothsome munchies. Packed meals from home, relaxing under the pavilion, enjoying the gentle breeze as it caresses the cheeks.




Seeing a couple of cyclists on the path makes me want to join them. We've been trying to fix a day for cycling at Swan River but somehow just can't seem to coordinate our schedule!

We settled by the river bank and did our own stuff. Evee was busy knitting while Sharon was occupied with her cell. As for me, I did what I'm best at of course. Self entertaining!

Predictably, my craziness doesn't stop there. Borrowed a pen from Evee and started drawing on my hand.

Thus introducing . . . Mr Grumpy!

(looks like Mojo though. LOL.)

Being the attractive hand-puppet he is, Mr Grumpy will not be a casanova if he can't get a girl!

And thus, once upon a time, Mr Grumpy met Miss No-Name at Mill Point. They french kissed and live happily ever after. Isn't that just the best fairytale ever?

=p




I love the sunsets in Perth. The gentle swirl of colours and soft glow illuminating the horizon. Such breathtaking sight robs you of all worries and unhappiness in that moment of indulgence. Everything seems fine and all problems appear insignificant.

In awe of how the world could be so beautiful, and how amazing life really is.

Look at how big and near the moon is!






Look at the tiny Perth City. I can pick it right up like a waffle cracker!




And I'm going to leave my foot prints all over Perth!

*stomp stomp*




Lingered till the sky turned dark, and yet our craziness has yet to subside. It's Australia's Next Top Asian Model!




And we're bringing sexy back.

*wink*




I love Mill Point.






And I love my girls.

I am my own muse

Snapping out of it
is the moment you realise
that the event you thought
you didn't survive,
you actually did.

Moving forward
is the moment you realise
that if you put your trust out there
again and the worst happens,
you'll survive again.

This shall be my mantra till I get over him.

I never trust. But when I do, I misplaced it.

What a dolt.

I will be lying . . .

If I say that I don't crave attention at all.

The occasional interest from both genders feeds the attention whore in me, proliferating my ego beyond my grasp. Yet when the fascination is over and I have my head back to Earth, I dread it loads.

I'm still a rather private person beyond my frivolous and flamboyant veil.

Envious I am, of friends with over 1000 friends under their profile pages. But when all is broken down, it doesn't mean anything at all. Just how many of those 1000 over are real friends? That is exactly the reason why I never give out my MSN to randoms, as I hate having people on my list whom I'll stop talking to, after the initial 10 conversations.

The superficiality of having overrated amount of friends, especially fans.

It is evident that I'm still struggling to find my real self. Still cuffed by the materiality of the world. Try as I might, those devils still entice that little girl in me.

Never did I say that I'm perfect, and never will I want to be. For I find perfection in my flaws. Those oh-so-glorious flaws of mine.


A side note on today's weird encounter.

Ronald's sudden act of hugging me. The unexpected element of his action pales in comparison to the unfamiliar feeling invoked in me.

The complex self interrogation process of mine brings about this conclusion; that I'm starved of human contact. Physical ones.

Mark was the last to give me a hug which lasted for more than 5 seconds.

Need more care-bear-kind-of hugs.

Need to feel protected again. Even if it's deliberately staged.


Damn it.

Why am I cursed to ALWAYS have thought provoking moments before bed time?

Shut up brain.

And stop thinking about love of my life.

He's supposed to be dead.

Two sides of me.

Gentle and caring, all lady like.

Bitchy and stuck up, all snide and rude.

If only I'm brave enough to say what I like. I'll have a glorious galore of "fuck" in my speech.


And damn the world for getting smaller than it already is. Just when I'm flirting up a storm, I chanced upon the realisation that my online boy happens to know the love of my life! Serve me right for going all weak and jello for guys of the same flock.

Can't help it. Guys who can't speak a word of proper Mandarin just gives me the flutters!

Ohh la la ~


Whatever it is, all will be tossed to the back alley of my inactive brain till I touch down to Singapore. In the mean time, let's see what's going to come out of this bogus boyfriend I'll be seeing for the next 8 days till I leave Perth.

Of Australian and Filipino parentage.


I'm all for varieties now. Mainly to block out my futile attempt at getting over the love of my life.

Fuck romance, and fuck love as well.

I don't need them.

Such blatant self denial.

22:46 on the street

Walking in the dark, with noises all around, and not a single soul in sight.

The hastened pace.

Glancing around to ensure alertness at any sudden movement. The wind blowing and the trees whispering. Crazy dance of the heart and quickened pace.

Staying in the light as best as possible, and treading the stairs with care. Darkness envelops with only the moonlight as a guide. Weak and pale.

The sight of familiar ground sooths the soul a little, bringing more courage. Breathing deep to increase confidence and of tricking self into belief that all is fine.

Unarmed and alone, careful not to awaken the unspoken.

Sound of hastened pace and irregular quick breathing. Tapping of the soles.


Finally a soul in sight. Familiarity, but with a sense of caution. Keeping a distance to ensure safety. As calming as it is to have an unknowing companion, one can never be too careful.

Sounds of oncoming traffic brings an added sense of the world so familiar with. Greater sense of security. No longer alone. Witnesses.

Finally home. Safe.

"The love of my life"

Please find it in your heart, to forgive me, for deciding to stop loving you.

It's not as easy a decision as you may think it is, for it hurts me to come to this. As much as I wish to continue loving you, as I've always do, it doesn't get any easier as time goes on by. Perhaps this is why we are never meant to be. The test of time is enough to trip me up.

Regardless, I still want to thank you for being my pillar of support through the tough transition in Perth. You might not know this, but you are the reason I became stronger, and went through everything that came my way. Tough times during work were gotten through by the thought of seeing you in July. Tough times during college were gotten through by the thought of you doing your best for your studies as well.


You failed your promises time and time again, putting me on a high pedestal of hope, to only let me fall again and again. I used to forgive you, for you always had legitimate reasons. Slowly, no hopes were pinned upon your promises, and I didn't hurt as much when you fail again. And now, I decided to give up for good.

Perhaps you didn't know what you want, perhaps you fear it won't work out. Whatever the reason is, I don't care to know anymore. I'm done with this waiting game. I'm through with you.

"At this moment in time, this very day, this very second, there's someone who loves you for who you are. Not because you're the soccer captain, not because you're from Melbourne, not because of anything material or superficial. And should you feel unworthy, or should anyone make you feel that way, NEVER forget, that I love you this very moment."

Once again, I love you with all my heart at this very moment. But what encompasses the future? I'm never certain of that.

It's time to stop loving you, and it's time to let go. Time to move on and allow my chance at being loved.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to read the story you promised, and if you'll ever receive the scarf I knitted for you. And what about that arcade card? What will it be like when I go back?

Ce qui sera, sera.

I'm done loving you.

11.53pm Friday 11-01-2008

The most boring shit to hit the fucking fan. I'm absolutely sick of mingling with people of the same calibre. Might be different individuals, but of the same social capabilities nonetheless. How fucking boring. Give me something new!

New lifestyle, new people, new changes, new places. New everything!

Same old fucking shit.

Same old fucking bored.

Was written during a hang out which bored me so much that I paid most of my attention to the poker game on my cell.

I REALLY need new friends.

It's not always about the endless shopping, the endless k-singing, the endless gossips, the endless complaints, the endless comparisons.

NO.

Give me a swimming/workout buddy. Give me a kite flying buddy. Give me a hiking/trekking buddy. Give me a museum/art gallery buddy. Give me a "walking around enjoying the beautiful day" buddy.

Anything but the same old same old.

I'm no longer stuck in the same old rug.

So what if I read the bloody dictionary to pass my time?

I need a change!

Something intellectually stimulating.

Goodbye for now, Housie.

Slept over at Housie's last night and spent the day with her. She's going back to Malaysia tomorrow and coming back in February, by then I'll already be gone.

Even though we said goodbye like we usually did, but because we both know it will be the last time doing so, it was deeply emotional. Especially the hug which sealed it.

Held back my tears then, and though it's been hours, I still feel like crying.


Perhaps it's because we're all alone in a foreign land with no one but the friends we acquired along the way, thus we share a much deeper bond than the usual friends we have back home.

The friends we acquired here is a replacement of our family members, people whom we turn to when we need help, people whom we spend much of our time with, people whom we turn to without thinking twice, people whom we share our ups and downs with. Living together, sharing our thoughts, and helping each other through during times of homesickness and tough time in adjusting to the new environment. And not to mention, celebrating birthdays and festive seasons together.

Perhaps that is why we share a deeper emotional bond, which makes bidding farewell more difficult.

We can comfort ourselves by saying that we'll meet again, but who knows what's in stall in future? We can only seek solace in the comfort that we crossed path, and have shared and created some wonderful memories together.


This just reminds me of the day I left Singapore. The poly peeps sending me off, and the emotional phone call with Jessica babe. And of me crying like an idiot on the flight because I was told Adrian got into an accident.

It's deja vu all over again.

And this is just the first of the many more to come.

Paintballing!

Went paintballing at Xtreme Leisure yesterday with part of the crew, and ended up with bruises as trophies of my inability in combat.

Rough play against merciless opponents equates to numerous injuries (eight to be exact).

Behold my glorious battle scars!








Did I mention that I got a head shot in the first game? Oh yes, I'm that bad in combat. There's a bump on my head.

There's another paintballing outing with the crew, but this time it's official. Having experienced it, I'm now armed with knowledge of what to do.

WEAR THICKER CLOTHINGS that is!

WOOT!

And because the crew outing is on the day before my flight, I'm definitely going home all bruised up. There's going to be lots of explaining to do.

Opps ~

Daddy and Mummy, I'm not being abused in Aussie land.

=p

Time to blow the candles!

Happy Birthday Bjorn darling ~

You thought I've clean forgotten it, haven't you?

Was really great to hear your voice. Hopefully you like that surprise, though it's pre-arranged months ago!

=)

Counting down to seeing you.

Have fun till then!

Huge blow.

The trepidation is finally over.

Not accepted into Flinders as their 2008 intake is full. Trying for 2009 intake instead. I think I'm going to lie down for a while to nurse my shattered heart.

Feels like something just died inside of me.

Another shot of hope, yet another trepidation.

ARGH.

Resolutions?

Almost everyone who comes up with a New Year Resolutions, always never completes it. So why do we still do it anyway? Simply because it gives us something to look forward to, and somehow, signifies the start of something new. We all want to be a better person than we used to be.

And because I'll like to keep up with the tradition, here goes nothing!

>p


1) Get plenty of sleep everyday.

Not going to enforce "at least xx number of hours", as it NEVER works.


2) Hug someone everyday.

The act itself is a healing one, and everyone needs plenty of hugs each day.


3) Cut out drinking.

That means social drinking inclusive. Don't like the idea of alcohol in my system. After my FIRST damn hangover on new year day, I swear it's going to be the LAST as well!


4) No more carbonated drink.

Sugar. Need I say more? Don't need such artificial high.


5) No more potato chips.

Salt. Need I say more? The kidneys!


6) Community service.

Have been playing with that thought for years. Time to put it into action. My way of giving back to the world.


7) Get first aid certification.

The first step to my goal, and an essential skill.


8) Blog more religiously.

After the incident of losing ALL my photos, I can only blame myself for not blogging about them sooner, so that at least I have somewhere to get them back. My Melbourne photos! *sobs*


I'm certain that's more than enough New Year Resolutions for me to break this year. Shall do a review of it when the end of 2008 arrives.

Let's see how I fare then.

Muahaha!

Starting afresh

So why the change of a new blog entirely?

It has been an idea to do so much earlier, but I never got around to doing it, because I love the idea of keeping Redbottlecap as I’ve been writing there since April 05. Almost three years’ worth of archives of my life! I’m rather sentimental, thus the procrastination in setting up a new one.

Of course, not to mention, I can’t be bothered to browse through the crazy amount of blog templates in the virtual world, to once again find one which I deem as appropriate for the current stage of life I’m at.

I'm actually in love with the simple and neat template at WordPress, but because the process of uploading images is not as user friendly, I've decided to stick to Blogger instead.


This change sort of signifies a new beginning for me as well.

Starting a brand new year in a foreign place, with a brand new goal in mind, and a brand new understanding of my self, nothing seems more appropriate than now to have a brand new writing space.

2006 was all about the pondering of life itself; its meaning and existence.

2007 offsets the search for self; my purpose for existing.

And 2008, shall be the start of translating all thoughts and desires into actions.

May this new beginning be a symbolic act of rebirth. Of starting over with a clean slate, of becoming a better person, and of embracing all that will come my way.


Let 2008 be the start of the journey which I've put myself forth.

Having spent a year getting to know myself better, discovering my strengths and weaknesses, shaping myself into my own individual, and realising what my true calling is, makes everything I’ve gone through a great journey. Tough as it may be at times, it moulds me into who I am now.

I’m grateful to all the people I’ve met thus far, and of all the events that crossed my path.

Better prepared with renewed determination, let the journey of 2008 begin!