I don't plan anymore.
I don't even know if I'll be embarking on varsity life or to go backpacking next year. I have yet to decide. As mentioned, varsity is the conditional life of almost everyone, and I really don't know if I want to go down that path. 4 years is too much planning and commitment for me at the moment.
I'm trying to make as little commitments as possible. I've cancelled my saving plan because 25 years is too darn long, and I've only serviced the policy for less than 2 years. 23 years left? Who knows if I'll still be around?
I've cancelled my mobile subscription as well, because I do not want to sign on for another 2 years. 2 years is a commitment nonetheless. I don't know if I'll be in Singapore next year.
I suppose I'm going through a phase of Acute Commitment Phobia. I do not want to be tied down. No restrictions please. I just want to be free and easy. It stems from the desire within me to just pack up and leave whenever I want to.
I no longer believe in planning for the future.
Looking back on the past is futile, and planning the future is unpredictable. Things change and so do people, much less plans. So yes, I'm living for the moment. Truth be told, I like it that way and I'm happy.
I smile and laugh so much nowadays that people wonder if I'm high on drugs or alcohol. I'm not. I'm on a natural high, simple as that. Simplicity is my drug of choice.
I'm not going to apologise for not being the daughter you wish I will be. I'm not going to apologise for my decision to do things I want, rather than what you want. I'm not going to apologise for not being similar to everyone else. I'm not going to apologise for choosing internal satisfaction over material comfort. I'm not going to apologise for not becoming who you want me to be.
Most times, you forget that I'm my own individual, and that I'm mature enough to handle the consequences of my decisions. I'm no longer a child, and should I make an unwise choice, I am only most willing to take the fall and learn to pick myself up. I know you're trying to protect me, but I'm not a greenhouse plant. I need to be out in the wild, taking on what the elements are going to lash at me. That's how I can learn and grow.
I know I will forever be your little girl in every sense, yet it isn't the same anymore. I know you love me, but if it's going to hinder me from painting my own canvas of life, then I rather you not do so. Besides, you've been absent from my life too darn long to start playing your role now. It doesn't work that way. Instead, it hurts a hell lot.
Don't dump me on the sidewalk, only to return years later, telling me you're sorry and giving me a hug. Nothing's going to change. The harm has been done and there's a long ugly scar to prove it. I believed that you're sincere and I showed you the scar. It's still as fresh as can be, and instead of helping to heal it, you rip it apart, making it bleed once again.
I've learned it's time to move on. I acknowledge your apology, but that is all there is to it. As much as I try to, I'm just not graceful enough to take you back. I don't have that capacity, yet.
My only apology is that we both have to go through such an event in our lives. Let's remember what we got out of it, and move on.
Know what?
I made a list of resolutions at the start of the year, and I'm going to scrape them.
I only need 2, and that is to BE HAPPY, and MAKE PEACE WITH MYSELF.
I started off the list with my apology to Melvin, and I will continue till I complete it. The hardest is left for the last, and that is the family.
I've said my piece, thus no more sadness or secret tears anymore.
Simplicity is happiness.
Whoever you are who's reading this; be it a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or a love one. I just want to say this from the bottom of my heart, that right at this moment . . .
I love you.
I don't even know if I'll be embarking on varsity life or to go backpacking next year. I have yet to decide. As mentioned, varsity is the conditional life of almost everyone, and I really don't know if I want to go down that path. 4 years is too much planning and commitment for me at the moment.
I'm trying to make as little commitments as possible. I've cancelled my saving plan because 25 years is too darn long, and I've only serviced the policy for less than 2 years. 23 years left? Who knows if I'll still be around?
I've cancelled my mobile subscription as well, because I do not want to sign on for another 2 years. 2 years is a commitment nonetheless. I don't know if I'll be in Singapore next year.
I suppose I'm going through a phase of Acute Commitment Phobia. I do not want to be tied down. No restrictions please. I just want to be free and easy. It stems from the desire within me to just pack up and leave whenever I want to.
I no longer believe in planning for the future.
Looking back on the past is futile, and planning the future is unpredictable. Things change and so do people, much less plans. So yes, I'm living for the moment. Truth be told, I like it that way and I'm happy.
I smile and laugh so much nowadays that people wonder if I'm high on drugs or alcohol. I'm not. I'm on a natural high, simple as that. Simplicity is my drug of choice.
I'm not going to apologise for not being the daughter you wish I will be. I'm not going to apologise for my decision to do things I want, rather than what you want. I'm not going to apologise for not being similar to everyone else. I'm not going to apologise for choosing internal satisfaction over material comfort. I'm not going to apologise for not becoming who you want me to be.
Most times, you forget that I'm my own individual, and that I'm mature enough to handle the consequences of my decisions. I'm no longer a child, and should I make an unwise choice, I am only most willing to take the fall and learn to pick myself up. I know you're trying to protect me, but I'm not a greenhouse plant. I need to be out in the wild, taking on what the elements are going to lash at me. That's how I can learn and grow.
I know I will forever be your little girl in every sense, yet it isn't the same anymore. I know you love me, but if it's going to hinder me from painting my own canvas of life, then I rather you not do so. Besides, you've been absent from my life too darn long to start playing your role now. It doesn't work that way. Instead, it hurts a hell lot.
Don't dump me on the sidewalk, only to return years later, telling me you're sorry and giving me a hug. Nothing's going to change. The harm has been done and there's a long ugly scar to prove it. I believed that you're sincere and I showed you the scar. It's still as fresh as can be, and instead of helping to heal it, you rip it apart, making it bleed once again.
I've learned it's time to move on. I acknowledge your apology, but that is all there is to it. As much as I try to, I'm just not graceful enough to take you back. I don't have that capacity, yet.
My only apology is that we both have to go through such an event in our lives. Let's remember what we got out of it, and move on.
Know what?
I made a list of resolutions at the start of the year, and I'm going to scrape them.
I only need 2, and that is to BE HAPPY, and MAKE PEACE WITH MYSELF.
I started off the list with my apology to Melvin, and I will continue till I complete it. The hardest is left for the last, and that is the family.
I've said my piece, thus no more sadness or secret tears anymore.
Simplicity is happiness.
Whoever you are who's reading this; be it a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or a love one. I just want to say this from the bottom of my heart, that right at this moment . . .
I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment