Silence

She wished for love, to immerse herself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. Her wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give her tragedy. Because she wouldn't give it back for the world.

I have her heart. A heart lost, and long afraid to feel.

Will it ever wake?

The tide that left and never came back.

Brooke: There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

Nathan: Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

Haley: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more.

Lucas: As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters, the simple things, like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.

Peyton: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for.



Lucas: And Hansel said to Gretal: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.

Nathan: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey, is a fate more cruel.

Peyton: Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.

Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

McFadden: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

How about this?

Are you reassured enough to not let your ego get the better of you?

Some things might not be meant to be, but because your ego reins so tightly over you that it's difficult to say "No it isn't meant to be, I should walk away." It's also a matter of pride that you have trouble letting go, often times clinging on so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

Do you at times have doubts over whether the present situation is really what you want? Do you doubt your decision and wonder if it's the right thing to do? Yet because you've come so far, it seems silly or even stupid to let it go. As they all say, "You've come so far. Why let all your effort go to waste?"

And do you at times want to give everything away, turning instead to the simplicity that is calling out to you? How do you deal with that conflicting tug of war? To get on with things and move on while constantly wondering about the other direction, or taking a chance and walking down the other path? How do you decide what's the best choice for you? How do you shut the others out?

Are you reassured enough to make the right choice, and not let your ego get in the way of the heart? Do you have the ability to know when is the time to let go, and to make that choice to trod the other way?

It will never be easy, isn't it? The many questions and doubts that surface every second.

P.S.

Remember this?

I didn't keep any of them.

Although a couple were going pretty well until the occasional urge cuts in, but the upside is, my sugar and salt intake levels are never major concerns all along.

It's pretty easy for me to eat well (since I have a crappy digestive system which when I eat with abundance, I'll be getting more than acquainted with the potty), if only I can get my butt off the couch to exercise more.


So what is in it for this year?

I reckon that trying to live life the way it ought to be live, by making the effort to savour the present while enjoying every moment, is a pretty kick ass load on its own. So screw trying to get enough sleep.

=)

Bonjour 2009.

Not a very smooth start into the New Year, but why should I let such mandatory superstition get in my way? You have to be kidding me.

I am who I think I am.

You are who you think you are.


So translate those thoughts into actions, and make 2009 a blast! Be a YES person!

Yeah yeah, blame it on the movie. Darn motivating.

*laughs*


We will all have a fabulous and fruitful year.

All of us.

So enjoy the ride people.




Je t'aime.

Au revoir 2008.

Finally.

What a way to end 2008.

Crazy roller coaster ride.

*phew*

Arrivederci.

Thanks for everything.

Have a safe journey home, and all the best for the future.




I'll miss you.

Fortnight.

What seems to be a long way coming, is actually not as tedious or tough, now that I look back upon it.




Upon the decision to be as hands-on as possible this time around, I've learnt a lot from the planning and execution of tasks. As the list is being completed, the nearer I am to the end, the more exhausted I become. Mentally.




With Phase One being done and over with, there was little time for breather as Phase Two commences simultaneously. Life is a bitch. Or is it?




Nevertheless, I'm glad that I made the choice to process the application by myself, instead of handing it over to an agency. Having done everything, it isn't as difficult or inconvenient as everyone thought out to be. It's just a matter of finding out the right information, dealing with the multiple arrangements, and doing everything step by step. Even the payments aren't that mind-bending at all.

Mantoux test, trips to the bank, getting the previous school to provide a letter of certification, corresponding with the intended institution, Visa application and interview, various payments.

All you need are time and the ability to ask. And in my case, friends with credit cards as well. Speaking of which, I seriously ought to consider getting one. Everything is processed online and cashless nowadays!


Regardless, I've gotten some new toys in preparation for the journey ahead. A really good way to appease that guilty conscience of spending too much unnecessary dollars, is to tell myself that it's my reward for all the things I've done, and for the adventure I'm about to embark on.

Works like a charm.






A fortnight to go, and Elise is gone.

It's a love-hate relationship really.

Scorched.

Toasted. At the beach with Ashley again.




Had mee soto after so long, somehow the taste from the past still clouds the mind. Can the present never win? The mysterious works of the mind.




There has never been any memory of sunburnt experience, therefore the body doesn't recognise the symptoms. Intense itching. Simply assumed an allergy to Andrew, until he noticed the redness and enlightened me with the possibility of being burnt. Damn it.

Showering doesn't help, neither does moisturising lotion. At least the skin is calmed a little.




Cool breeze by the pool is a great gift from Mother Nature. Thank the Earth!






South African red wine, weird tasting home-cooked pasta, New York cheesecake, apple crumble, American Dad.




Not the most logical blend, but the simplest night.




C'est la vie.

Note to self - remember the sides when tanning.

New Site?

Contemplating a change of blog site. In fact, am currently tweaking at a new joint.

If all fits well, will be crossing over in 2009.

Me and my anal desire to start afresh every new calendar. What's more, starting a new year in a new environment, embarking on a new journey, it's almost like a not-so-subtle way of divinity calling out to me for a new blog site. No? I don't know. I'm one confused entity.

As for now, the familiar ground stays.

The Aussie Way

Walking barefooted on the streets.


At 3AM, I chanced upon something which made me realise that I have to go. Dressed up, walked out, left. Heels in my hand, jeans folded up, tears flowing.

Sometimes my life is like a scene right out of a movie. Unnecessary drama.

Unspoken. With dignity intact.

Should I hate? But I'm too tired to do so.

What doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger.

Merci beaucoup.

Sainte-Anne, 1936

Bien que mon amour soit fou, ma raison calme les trop vives douleurs de mon coeur en lui disant de patienter, et d'espérer toujours.

Though my love is insane, reason calms the pain in my heart, telling me to be patient and keep hoping.

Close to me.

Love thrives on a certain kind of distance, that it requires an awed separateness to continue. Without that necessary remove, the physical minutiae of the other person grows ugly in its magnification.

Virgin Podcast

Click here!

Enjoy ~ !

=D

P.S. Click "Play" and if a pop-up window doesn't come out, click "Download".

Elise's Quote.

"Loving someone is knowing when to let go, and having the grace to wish him every happiness in the world.

I love you."