First.

Never thought she'll encounter someone whom she can view more as a life partner than romantic relation. Someone whom she can envision working together with, hand in hand, to solve whatever problems and issues there might be. Someone whom she's willing to work out the differences with. Someone whom she didn't dismiss immediately and eventually, using the excuse of "You're just not what I'm looking for."

Never thought there will be a day when there's a person whom she can see a future with, building up something together. Someone who makes her feel settled and unafraid to give up flight. Someone who gives her enough courage to face the fear of giving a part of her. A commitment. A promise.

Someone she wants to have a life with.

Never thought that day will come. Never thought it'll happen with her. Well, there's a lot she never know is coming.

Just as dawn arises and dusk sets, life is a mere cycle. Repetitive? That is if you choose for it to be so. There's many routes and choices out there. You just have to take a leap of faith and embrace whatever hurting that might come with it. No pain, no gain. Very true.

Let go of control. Go with the flow. Crash and burn. Pick yourself up. Become a better individual. Life goes on despite all that.

Never though it'll ever be, but there's always a first.

This is a first. Her first.

Sad Sad Valentine

Received a basket of flowers early in the morning. Something that doesn't delight me very much. I hate receiving flowers. The only thing that comes to mind upon receiving flowers, is the fate of its imminent death.

Sigh.

Had dinner with Dex at Cosmo. A place I've grown to like, with clean white alfresco setting, and an awesome spot for people watching when the weather is great.

I love Mimosa!

Headed over to Double O after, where the night turned into a teary one. Missing Momo and feeling the hurt of the lost, ended up crying along the riverside with Benjamin being my pillar of support. Thank you Old Man Chan.

Not too far from us, a girl was crying her heart out as well. I can relate to her tears. Only a broken heart can cause tears to flow on a night as sweet as Valentine's. Thankfully for wonderful blessing in the form of friends, both the girl and I were not alone.

Went to the nearest convenient store to grab a packet of tissue, then headed back to the spot to give it to the girl. I hope she's feeling much better today. Nobody should shed tears of sorrow on Valentine's.

Nobody.

The heart will heal some day. And till then, let's walk on with our head held high.

=)

Deviation

Nature. I need the splendid touch of it. The garden and the lake. The luxury of lying on the grass with abandon. I miss Mill Point.

Life moves on. What's past is dust, what's to come is vague. Lies upon lies build a massive and impressive empire, but just as easily built, just as easily destroyed. Is there really any worth in holding such fort?

People come and go. They might be in for a season or a lifetime. For those who are just transitory passerby, be glad that our paths crossed. For those who are in it for the long haul, appreciation cannot be fleet. Use your heart always, when it comes to people. Human relationship should never be about profit or loss. Never the corporate structure.

Many forms of poison to numb the mind. Choose none of them. Learn to fight, for it makes you stronger. Evolution is vital. Survival of the fittest. Darwin.

Homo sapiens, I am one.

Elise, I shall become.

Back to basic my dear.

Back to basic.

Ravaged

From too much alcohol and late nights.

Time to detox.

Disgrace to Manhood

I was minding my business and making my way to the restroom when this guy grabbed my arm.


"What's your name?"

"Emma."

"Can I be your friend?"

"What for? And who are you anyway?"

"I'm with a bunch of friends over there. I've spotted you for a while."

"I don't want to be friends, and I need the restroom."

"Give me your number."


All the while, not letting go of my arm until my girls came rushing towards us, breaking the contact. Bless me.

After we returned to the table, he came over and demanded why was I so rude to him and wanted to continue whatever conversation he think is still left hanging. My girls cornered him and dealt with him. I couldn't be bothered.

In a nutshell, that faggot of a man demanded that we take things out as my girls knocked into him while rushing over to me outside the restroom. He insisted that he didn't approach me, and instead, I was the one who seduced him. In his very own words, he called us sluts.

Never have I been so angry with a man, and never have I tried so hard to control my urge to pick up the glass and shove it at him. I was clenching my teeth, with my hands balled into fists. What nerve he has to speak trash about us.

He wanted to apologise, trying to use the lame excuse of being drunk.


"Don't you fucking talk trash about me and then apologise, citing that you're drunk."

"When did I talk trash about you?"


The girls pulled him away. One of the guys wanted to get physical.

If he isn't the poster child of disgrace to manhood, then I don't know what is. Don't turn the table around when a woman rejects you, calling her a slut. You're a motherfucking piece of trash and the biggest faggot of a man. You should just castrate yourself. Asshole.

I'm so angry my eyeballs are hurting.

It is because of man like this which makes me hate men. It's either wimps or ass-wipes. Fucking ridiculous.

This past week has been filled with dramas, and I've been losing sleep.

Idiots.

Coffee Club

Chilling time with CS at Coffee Club at Clark Quay. Easy night out with great company and fabulous food. Everything is great when you have your best friend!

Recently I've been going crazy over Iced English Breakfast Tea, and nothing goes better with it than a little biscuit!

And I love spicy pasta! PASTA!!!

*slurp*

And my model of the night!

Presenting... Coffee Club's Beef Lasagne!

Best Friends Forever!

And of course, myself.

=)

Lost.

Being the kind of man he is, he chooses to respect the boundaries she set, and I lost him.

Gone. Forever.

Invalid

"I love you" can never be vocalised, only shown in the subtlest ways. Every little moment is cherished because it's given without obligation, being in the most natural element. You want and yearn, but can never lay claim. The greatest content is that he's happy, even if it means being with someone other than you. It hurts not to be reciprocated, but being unselfish is the best form of love you can give. You don't want to know anything about the other party, but can't help wondering who she is. Jealousy shrouds, but it calms the heart and mind to know that at least she makes him happy, and that's what really counts at the end for you.

You can't touch, can't feel, and can't tell. You can't give too much of yourself away in case the truth got out. You can't give what you'll like to give because it's not right. He belongs to someone else, that's what the society tells you. You hate that internal struggle between right and wrong. And just what is right and what is wrong?

It's tough loving an invalid. It's a flame burning passionately which you don't want to put out. The fervour keeps you going and the desire glows intensely. A raw animalistic element which makes you want to take off that coat of defence and morality to embrace and consummate the desire, throwing all caution to the wind and exposing all vulnerabilities.

The forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.

I want him but I can't have him.

An invalid in more than one way, but I love him still.

Sibling love.

Day out in the sun with Dex.

Awesome summer love, in the equatorial climate.

Much bliss.

=)

Red heart sibling love.

Silence

She wished for love, to immerse herself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. Her wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give her tragedy. Because she wouldn't give it back for the world.

I have her heart. A heart lost, and long afraid to feel.

Will it ever wake?

The tide that left and never came back.

Brooke: There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.

Nathan: Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

Haley: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more.

Lucas: As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters, the simple things, like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.

Peyton: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for.



Lucas: And Hansel said to Gretal: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.

Nathan: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey, is a fate more cruel.

Peyton: Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.

Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

McFadden: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

How about this?

Are you reassured enough to not let your ego get the better of you?

Some things might not be meant to be, but because your ego reins so tightly over you that it's difficult to say "No it isn't meant to be, I should walk away." It's also a matter of pride that you have trouble letting go, often times clinging on so tightly that your knuckles turn white.

Do you at times have doubts over whether the present situation is really what you want? Do you doubt your decision and wonder if it's the right thing to do? Yet because you've come so far, it seems silly or even stupid to let it go. As they all say, "You've come so far. Why let all your effort go to waste?"

And do you at times want to give everything away, turning instead to the simplicity that is calling out to you? How do you deal with that conflicting tug of war? To get on with things and move on while constantly wondering about the other direction, or taking a chance and walking down the other path? How do you decide what's the best choice for you? How do you shut the others out?

Are you reassured enough to make the right choice, and not let your ego get in the way of the heart? Do you have the ability to know when is the time to let go, and to make that choice to trod the other way?

It will never be easy, isn't it? The many questions and doubts that surface every second.

P.S.

Remember this?

I didn't keep any of them.

Although a couple were going pretty well until the occasional urge cuts in, but the upside is, my sugar and salt intake levels are never major concerns all along.

It's pretty easy for me to eat well (since I have a crappy digestive system which when I eat with abundance, I'll be getting more than acquainted with the potty), if only I can get my butt off the couch to exercise more.


So what is in it for this year?

I reckon that trying to live life the way it ought to be live, by making the effort to savour the present while enjoying every moment, is a pretty kick ass load on its own. So screw trying to get enough sleep.

=)

Bonjour 2009.

Not a very smooth start into the New Year, but why should I let such mandatory superstition get in my way? You have to be kidding me.

I am who I think I am.

You are who you think you are.


So translate those thoughts into actions, and make 2009 a blast! Be a YES person!

Yeah yeah, blame it on the movie. Darn motivating.

*laughs*


We will all have a fabulous and fruitful year.

All of us.

So enjoy the ride people.




Je t'aime.

Au revoir 2008.

Finally.

What a way to end 2008.

Crazy roller coaster ride.

*phew*